Charmings vs Stiltskins vs Mills: Family Dynamics

Great post, Keb!

Charmings: They always find each other. They believe in hope and faith. They believe in love as sacrifice.

I hope we get to see Charming’s father at some point. His mother obviously believed in true love, and in sacrifice, because she gave her own life so that Snowing could have a future family.

Snow knew about loving self sacrifice from her mother, (“You did the right thing by not dooming someone else just for my sake.”). Dunno that she got much of that from her father, but she definitely learned about dedicated love from him. Which is both good and bad, I guess, because it contributed to how Regina ended up, even though it meant that Snow always felt loved, and never lost faith in her parents’ love.

When it came to their daughter, Snowing undoubtedly loved her, but they also loved their people, and they had blind faith that their familial love would eventually win the day.

Stiltskins: A string of absentee fathers…though not entirely by choice. They value power (yes, even you Bae), deals, and family even if they keep losing it. They also believe in destiny/fate.

This family story is just so freaking sad. I wonder how far back the cycle of abandonment goes. We now know that Malcolm was sold to a blacksmith, so his family life wasn’t exactly all about unconditional love. The other day I was contemplating starting a thread all about the “Sins of the Father” and how messed up the consecutive generations of that family are, but it’s so layered and tragic and overwhelming that I didn’t even know where to start with discussing it.

I do think we’ll see the cycle broken in present day. From the moment Neal found out he was a father, he was all about doing whatever he could to be a good father to Henry. He did still leave him when he fell through the portal, but it’s not like he had any control over that, and he let go of Emma to ensure she remained safe and with their son.

Of course, Rumple’s adventures in fatherhood started out from a positive motivation as well. His own father tossed him away like he didn’t care, so Rumple went to great lengths to get home to his unborn child so he wouldn’t feel unloved and disregarded. And then his good intentions ended up leading to a very dark place. Rumple tried to learn from the mistakes of his father, and in doing so, made his own mistakes and history repeated, though not in exactly the same way.

I guess Malcolm kind of learned something from his own parents’ mistakes. He did still give his son up, but Rumple wouldn’t have had it as hard as he did, working for middle aged ladies who worked spinning wheels, instead of being a slave to a blacksmith. Malcolm was still selfishly motivated though. That changed with Rumple and Bae. Rumple genuinely wanted to protect his son.

If we look at the situations from the son’s point of view, firstly we have Malcolm, who it seems never had the chance to stand up to or reason with his parents. Then we have LittleRumple who did have the chance to stand up to his father, because he had a means for them to improve their lives, and Malcolm actually took the chance, if only momentarily before he gave up. Now we’ve seen Neal say to Rumple, “Nope, you’re just gonna do the right thing,” so this time around, the son is getting to speak his mind, and we saw Rumple agree to try, just like Malcolm initially did. Will Rumple stick to his promise to Neal, or go back on the promise like his own father did with him? I have faith in our imp that he’ll stick to the promise. Baby steps of improvement, through the generations.

We’ll have to wait to see how Neal and Henry’s relationship plays out from both of their perspectives, but I have hope. Neal went back to NL, is facing Pan again, to protect Henry. Like his father before him, he just wants to protect his son. Neal’s learned some hard lessons about relying completely on magic as a means to that protection though. He doesn’t know it, but his grandfather faced the magical solution test as well. I think that with this generation, we’re gonna see straight up fatherly love win the day. And because this family makes improvements with each generation, Henry will never be separated from his future children. That’s the end of the Stiltskin line’s journey to being able to achieve the happily ever after.

Mills: Really Cora and Regina here, as far as it goes. They value power, believe love is weakness as much as they desire it and think they can force others to give it, and run from chances at love. Oh, and the two of them are quite vengeful. Henry Sr. is the outlier; like Bae he’d fit in better with the Charmings in a lot of ways.

Regina didn’t always value power though. She started out with honest values when it came to love. If she’d been able to make a break for it with Daniel, the cycle of “power = love” wouldn’t have been perpetuated from her own relationship with her mother, to her relationship with her son. I think she needs to get back to her original way of thinking, and I believe she can. She’ll never be able to give up power completely in the magical sense, it’s too much a part of her now, but she can still remember and return to those more healthy values she used to have.

Poor Henry Sr. *sigh* He unconditionally loved his baby girl, no matter how much evil she committed, and look what it got him.

Henry definitely shows traits of all the family trends, and I think we see all of them converge in his decision to give his heart to Pan: He’s being a self-sacrificing hero like a Charming, he’s embracing the power of Magic like a Stiltskin or a Mills, and in doing so he’s ironically simultaneously finding family (Hi great-grandpa), pushing family away (rejecting the advice of all three parents!), and losing family (losing his life, which would tear that temporarily joined family to shreds).

This is such a great summation of the whole family dynamic and how it’s all impacted Henry. Really interesting how these themes are interwoven.

Interesting write-up Keb!

You left out one family member for Regina–Xavier!  Cora got love is weakness from Xavier, Henry Sr. Father.  I’m not the only one to wonder if Henry. Sr actually is Regina’s uncle or father :P.   Xavier was  a ruthless King.  He didn’t respect his own son even if he did not abandon him, and he talked Cora into marrying Henry. Sr. even knowing she had an imp lover!    What a piece of work that guy was.

I think some of Regina’s DNA obviously has that ruthlessness in it, so it isn’t just from Cora’s side.   I also found it interesting how Cora and Rumple had parallel father problems.  Their fathers were irresponsible and drunk, but of course Cora’s never left her until she left them.  Regina’s parents never left her either, until she pushed them out of her life.  Xavier on the other hand tried to basically make a puppet of Henry. sr., and a little bit, that is what Regina almost did with Henry.

keb – i really liked your post.  i never thought of it like that in the big picture.