And that mindset really works with your idea that Hook is a very obsessive guy. And I think shows that really he’s just obsessed with the *idea* of Emma. A something to move on to after 300 years of Milah obsession. But it’s not really love.
The writers haven’t shown us much of what Milah and Hook’s actual relationship was like, so that’s quite possible. Regina says she doesn’t know how to love very well, and it may be true with Hook too that after he lost his brother Liam, that he loved in a very possessive way. Perhaps it plays into why Milah said she never loved Rumple, when we know she did at one point. That always struck me as odd. The other thing was that as she dies, Hook doesn’t say he loves her. He never says it that we see actually, because Hook refuses to divulge her existence, then she risks her life for him, we assume he loved her deeply. He was angry she was “taken from him”. Was their relationship about what was best for both or just him? Regina would die for Henry, but she would kill competition for his love too, and did not always love him the way he needed. Devotion is on a fine line with obsession.
Neal acknowledges that he does not own Emma, when he says Henry may be all that remains of their former relationship. He doesn’t say to Hook “I’ve got Emma now” but the reverse, telling Hook, that “She’s got me now” and that’s where Neal is. He’s given his love to Emma, his intention is to support her and he’s had his period of doubt and fear but he’s past that now.
Yes, it is a bit of a fairy-tale mentality, just like Snow, Charming, Belle and Rumple, to come out the other side of traumatic events and feel a new conviction about how much you love the one you almost lost, rather than thinking “oh there’s too much pain and sadness, better move on to someone else.”
There’s always pain and sadness in life. There’s always challenges and obstacles but you face them together if there’s love, so long as those challenges and obstacles aren’t a feature of the relationship dynamics itself.
If you want different things in life, if you don’t treat each other with respect and concern, then that’s where all those self-help type book things apply.
People keep trying to talk about Emma and Neal as if there’s something off in how they treat each other, now that there isn’t actual conflict between them of one of them being involved with another person. Even then, they approached that situation pretty sanely, aside from the bit where the woman turned out to be an evil schemer and Neal didn’t want to believe it. Who WOULD want to believe that, especially after the life he had led?
People try to argue that Neal doesn’t believe in Emma, and doesn’t support her, undermines her self-confidence, in short, that he brings her down, but I don’t see that. If anything he just always supported her to the extent he could curse aside, lets her take the lead, and followed her advice. He believes in her, and we see that now again in NL. When she calls him out about his immature behavior, he acknowledges it. He doesn’t side-step it, and while he’s making it clear he’s in it for the long-term with her, he’s also giving her space to work through her feelings without fear that it would affect his attitude towards Henry.
There is no pressure on her to be with him romantically at all in order to maintain his support for her and for her son. All he’s done is let her know (very subtlety) that he loves her. He didn’t even say it to her (even if that was the message he would have had Aurora give) because of how she expressed herself in the cage. He knew she didn’t want to hear that from him right then.
So instead, he spoke less about how he feels, and more about his intentions–he intends to fight for her. Not fight to win her or own her, but just to support her. He’s always been “just Neal” to her, and I think she’s always been “just Emma” to him. That’s the part of her he loves, while he admires all these other aspects of her too, they’ve caused problems (fairy tale problems) for them. So why shouldn’t they get to have a fairy tale solution to them?
“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?” -- Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass