After an exhausting day of running around and chauffeuring random children (some not even mine) hither and yon, I came home to this gem of a S3 finale essay.
http://screwballninja.tumblr.com/post/94005059116/lets-do-the-time-warp-why-the-s3-finale-rocked
Let’s Do the Time Warp: Why the S3 Finale Rocked
Okay, kids, sit down, buckle up, and take a DEEEEP breath ‘cause we’re going into the long-awaited S3 finale review full speed ahead. I’ve only got a few minutes before the little ninja wakes up, so this is going to be what I’m calling the unfiltered Screwball Ninja experience: minimal editing, maximum stream-of-consciousness rambling— think Hunter S. Thompson without the psychedelics and with a predilection for rambling about fairy-tale characters.
You said it, Rumple!
First off, some people objected to the S3 finale for the following reasons:
<ol>
<li>IT SHOULD’VE BEEN NEAL *sob sob sob*</li>
<li>Get your Hook out of my Snowing!</li>
<li>Timey-wimey stuff is just like fanfiction</li>
<li>Frozen is such a cash-grab OMG</li>
</ol>
Understandably bitter Nealfire fans get a pass because he’s dead, dead, deaders and his leather-clad rival is running around FTL in a new frock coat courtesy of Banana Republic couture, and I imagine that might chafe. (Chafe the Neal fans’ FEELINGS, not Hook’s … let’s continue, shall we?)
Still dead. (Too soon?)
But I think everybody else should give the finale another chance. Ready to hear why, why, why?
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1. Emma, Emma, She’s Our Gal
Even if you hate Hook you might want to give the finale another gander because although Hook was, indeed, inserted into a Snowing remix, he was in a COMPLETELY supporting role. You can remove Hook from the episode entirely (“YES PLEASE”—Nealfire fans) and none of the major plot points will have changed: it’s Emma who falls through the portal first, Emma whose inopportune twig-popping changes the Snowing first meeting, Emma who has to steal her mother’s ring, Emma who convinces Rumple to do a very special magical makeover, Emma who rescues HERSELF from prison (and Marion to boot), Emma who figures out her mother isn’t as dead as she thought, and it’s Emma whose magic brings them back home.
Look— a chance to emote!
The eagle-eyed reader will notice I’ve used the word “Emma” more times in the last paragraph than in the entire S3 reviews thus far, and there’s a reason for that: Emma’s emotional arc in S3 stunk. Or rather, her arc was limited to going from VERY emotionally constipated to SLIGHTLY LESS emotionally constipated. Not only is that hard to show on screen, but it’s not a lot of fun to watch— especially in the Zelena arc, where Emma had to convince herself that she really wanted her family … which, coincidentally, is the thing she’s been yammering about jonesing for since S1. Emma Swan was basically the Grumpy Cat of S3.
I wanna go back to New York— their Chinese food is SO much better
I’m Henry’s second cousin
Emma wants family, we KNOW she wants family, and watching her sloooowly come to the conclusion we’ve known for three seasons is a snooze-fest of epic proportions. Emma Swan was in serious danger of becoming like Buffy— a dour blonde savior whose whinging about ‘destiny’ made everyone MUCH more interested in the side-characters.
Boo hoo— is there workman’s comp for that?
So it was incredibly refreshing to see Emma take the brakes off and actually do some saving. She smiled! She laughed! She cried! She hit people over the head with tree branches! She emoted and wore pretty dresses and she can kiss anybody she wants to, so if she wants to snog a pirate for thirty seconds she can damn well go ahead.
Look! Smiling!
Side-rant: I’ve seen a metric ton of hate on my dash about how Captain Swan is bad for the kiddies because people like Hook are hella creepy in real life. And that’s true! (See my essay on why S2 Hook was a skeezeball here.) But to my eternal surprise I’m going to have to step in for Captain Guyliner here and point out two things:
<ul>
<li>S2!Hook’s actions were punished in the show BY THE OTHER CHARACTERS, who correctly outed his skeeziness x infinity and made Captain Floor everyone’s OTP</li>
<li>The Hook of the finale is NOT S2!Hook— he’s changed. All the villains have redemption arcs, and Hook’s is that he’s been reformed by the healing power of his love for Emma. (See the essay about his changing character tropes here!)</li>
</ul>
Hook was so uncomfortable with his S2 incarnation that he didn’t want to leave Emma alone with his older self. He straight up punched S2!Hook IN THE FACE, and if that doesn’t demonstrate the difference between the two characters I don’t know what to say.
Mutual likes: fisticuffs
Now, you don’t have to like Hook, you don’t have to ship him with anything but a sticky demise, you don’t have to “accept” his redemption arc. But I don’t truck with the “bad news in real life, therefore bad news in fiction” argument because in real life you shouldn’t date villains AT ALL.
<ul>
<li>If you’re on a date and you ask why there’s an open warrant for his arrest and he explains that he tortured somebody and shot a girl in the back because he was pissed at her boyfriend, go ahead and order the dessert because a second date ain’t gonna happen</li>
<li>If you’re on a date and you ask what happened to his first wife and he refuses to tell you until you press him and then he confesses that he KILLED HER IN A FIT OF RAGE, do not even wait for the check, run screaming from the room</li>
<li>If you’re on a date and you ask why her relationship with her son is a bit strained and she explains she accidentally killed him for a few minutes because she was trying to poison his biological mother in a nasty custody battle, DO NOT LEAVE HER ALONE WITH YOUR SMALL CHILD</li>
</ul>
In real life PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE. If they treated their ex or kids like crap, chances are they’ll treat you the exactly same way and you’ll be referred to as the “crazy ex” that “just didn’t understand them” when they’re trying to get sympathy from the next sucker at the bar. This is depressing, however, and OUAT is not a Lifetime Movie of the Week. OUAT is about hope, OUAT is about change, and OUAT is about the healing power of love. So if you think Rumple can be a better man and Regina can learn to be a better mother, please consider accepting the age-old chestnut of the “reformed rake” trope, where Hook is purified by the power of his eternal love or something.
Once upon a time I was falling in love/ Now I’m only falling apart
2. Timey-Wimey? Yesy-Wesy!
What I loved about the finale was that the timey-wimey aspect gave the show something it sadly needs: structure. Unlike the Zelena arc, this plot had the following virtues:
<ul>
<li>Clear start and stopping point: Open portal —> Close portal</li>
<li>Clear goal: Get home without screwing up the past</li>
<li>Clear conflict: Oops, I screwed up the past— what now?</li>
<li>Clear emotional arc for Emma: I don’t need family … crap, I guess I do!</li>
</ul>
Hooray for clarity! If you DON’T have this kind of crystal-clear structure, you end up with the hot mess that was S2, where the loss of Cora as the Big Bad led to way too many villains and a confusing arc for both Rumple and Regina (see the S2 breakdown here!).
The only cameo that was missing
Plus, Snowing fans get to have it both ways— they get the original Snowing episode in S1, which is STILL canon (and an amazing episode), AND they get the remix where Emma is part of her parents’ story. Some people were mad about having a remix at all, but I wasn’t, because this time OUAT mashed itself up … with a better version of itself. Not only did the Savior do some actual saving, but OUAT used the money they saved from having five-year-olds write the “Kansas” episode in crayon to spring for a bunch of characters we haven’t seen for a while.
Remember these guys?
Remember RUBY?
There was more continuity in the finale then there has been in the past two seasons combined.
<ul>
<li>Ruby was a kick-ass werewolf who was just a LITTLE too excited to see her best friend Snow was alive</li>
<li>Princess Abigail is still too cool for school— the way she dead-panned “my hero” at Charming made me snort my tea</li>
<li>Gepetto and Granny live in the same town! Now I ship them. (What’s their ship name? Wooden Diner?)</li>
<li>The Blue Fairy was as shady as ever— dig her “some secrets are worth keeping” comment to a disguised Emma. Yeah, I BET, you shady lady.</li>
<li>I loved that Evil Queen!Regina stomped on the bugs-that-were-formerly-trolls for failing to kill Charming because that tied up that lose end. Someone was paying attention!</li>
<li>God help me but I loved how confused Smee was with the revolving Hooks on the ship</li>
<li>Rumple was a magical makeover guru again!</li>
</ul>
Best line of the episode
I think it’s incrediby ballsy for a show to do an AU of ITSELF, and if their AU is one where their lead heroine actually DOES something, I’m on board. The whole episode just hung together for me. It was a real kick, and plus, we got to see Emma in peasant clothes AND princess clothes and she got to make the most hilarious faces ever when she recognized people in their fairy-tale incarnations:
Emma seeing Dark One!Rumple alone justified the finale
Side-note 1: It’s a testament to how far Regina has come since S1 that seeing her in full-on Evil Queen mode was jarring to me. Evil Queen Regina is completely unhinged— and while it’s unexpectedly arousing, it’s also very frightening. Some people were miffed Regina and Rumple only had 10 minutes of screentime each, but it didn’t bother me because they were incredibly memorable (see why screentime doesn’t matter here!).
More awesome than you dressed like a Christmas tree, your argument is invalid
Also, Swan Queen peeps didn’t have a whole lot to work with in the finale, but there was that nice moment where Regina purred at Emma to call her “Your Majesty.” Rowr.
Side-note 2: Some people thought Rumple drinking the forgetting potion was out-of-character, but I don’t agree because after the whole Seer 1.0 debacle Rumple knows he can’t trust whatever “flashes” of the future he sees. If Rumple takes the potion, knows his future has the following features:
<ol>
<li>He’s alive</li>
<li>He finds his son</li>
<li>His son forgives him</li>
<li>He gets some hot hot imp-on-maid action with Belle</li>
<li>His son dies— but he dies a hero</li>
</ol>
If Rumple DOESN’T take the potion in an effort to avoid No. 5, he could screw up Nos. 1-4— with realm-changing consequences. He could die, he could NEVER find his son, he could find his son who never forgives him, he could never be with Belle, and finally his son could STILL die, but this time as a reviled coward. No, there’s too much at risk— better to take the potion and try to avoid No. 5 a different way. Plus, Emma’s given Rumple insufficient knowledge of how exactly to avoid Neal’s death in the future— not that that’s Emma’s fault, given both the time constraints (har!) and her desire not to violate the Prime Directive.
I love this gif
Think of it like a “save point” in a video game— if Rumple takes the potion, he knows he at LEAST makes it to level “DAD I LOVE YOU— Neal.” And after that? Well, Rumple will trust to his future self’s sneakiness to try and cheat his son’s death.
Side-note 3: We all think that Matron Marian (she’s married, after all) is awesome and kind and genuinely loves her family and we wish her a long and happy life with healthy, fulfilling relationships with the ones she loves, right? RIGHT? Good.
This is adorable, I ship Marian with a LONG AND HAPPY LIFE
Side-note 4: Some people really hated that Frozen is coming to OUAT because it’s a “cash grab” but … isn’t the entire SHOW a cash-grab? I mean, having Belle and Ariel be BFFs is okay, and Snow White being related to Peter Pan is okay, but Elsa coming to town with a giant frigidaire in tow is crossing the line? Heaven forbid the show try to get viewers who are teenagers now instead of teenagers in the 90’s, right? I just don’t get why mining nostalgia is okay but mining pop culture isn’t. The whole show is a cheese-fest mash-up, and I’m okay with that.
