Just read an awesome meta on why Killian could & should never have let Emma push him away. I also understand what they are saying about the reasons why Emma pushes people away & it is exactly why Killian could never allow her to push him away. JMo said much the same thing herself & we all know thats what the writers are going for- funny how it’s only the character bashers & other ‘Emma’ ships that cant see reality.
Now I want to address the issue of why it would have been absolutely detrimental had Killian decided to leave Emma alone, especially during times where her behavior might have been off-putting. Hello my name is Kate and I’m a mental health social worker, so when I see people who suggest that Killian should have left Emma alone I see red and this is why: Emma being a foster youth, particularly one that transitioned out of the foster system through running away, is a context that cannot be ignored and yet frequently is. First off, Emma quite clearly has an avoidant attachment style. Basically, Emma lacked a secure base of attachment due to the abandonment of her parents and then her foster parents at age 3. Those with avoidant attachment tend to self-isolate, are emotionally distant, and prize independence for fear of further abandonment. Does this not sound like our favorite savior princess duckling? The fact that Emma is a foster youth further adds to her need to maintain distance in interpersonal relationships and keep those relationships relatively superficial. These are self-protective strategies that serve to keep her from the emotional heartache of becoming attached only to be abandoned. Remember this is Emma’s internal working model that she applies to all new people- that eventually everyone will leave her. So she doesn’t let people get close enough to matter when they inevitably do. But keeping people at arms length also protects foster youth from people understanding their deeper fears and shame- primarily that they were abandoned in the first place because there is something fundamentally wrong, bad, or unlovable about them. This is the biggest reason why Neal’s later abandonment of Emma has such a profoundly devastating impact on her, causing herself to emotionally isolate for a decade after he left her. She let go of her protective barriers for him, and he (regardless of context because Emma knows nothing of it) commits the one act that reinforces all of her reasons for those barriers in the first place- he leaves her. So, present day Emma is self-isolating and independent. She pushes people away to protect herself, but it’s also an unconscious test. If people leave her when, to distance herself, she is hurtful towards them, then it reinforces her view that she cannot rely on others and perpetuates her isolating behavior. What she needs to overcome her issues is not people running away from her when she pushes, but staying by her side. She needs concrete and stable examples of people refusing to leave her. It’s why it was so crucial that Henry refused to give up on her and Snow jumped in the portal after her. This was Henry and Snow showing Emma that this new family- her Storybrooke family- is not going to abandon her. But Emma still needs that same amount of dedication on a romantic level. Some people don’t need romance for complete lives, this is true- but Emma is arguably looking for romantic love- that’s the whole point of Walsh. He shows us that Emma doesn’t just need familial love- she wants romantic love too. He also again reinforces Emma’s view that those who claim to love her don’t. And so, Killian, in a stunning parallel to Snow, jumps in a portal after her. After consistently staying by her side and supporting her and NOT PUSHING HER ROMANTICALLY after he finds her in New York, even when she sometimes lashed out at him. Because he knows it isn’t disinterest that is keeping her from him and keeping her running- it’s emotional walls she puts up to protect herself. Snow, David, and Henry undo the damage caused by Emma’s familial abandonment. Killian undoes the damage caused by Emma’s romantic abandonment. Killian leaving Emma would only have served as an example to Emma that she isn’t worth staying around for, and that people will leave. It would have been devastating for Emma. The absolute number one worst thing anyone can do to Emma is leave her. You do not abandon the previously abandoned. That’s why they waited to have Emma learn that Killian gave up his ship for her until the second to last scene of the season. After steadfastly not leaving her, she also learns that he gave up the most important thing in his life for her. Now she trusts that she is worthy, that she is truly loved, and so she finally feels safe enough in the fact that he isn’t going anywhere that she lets him in. And it was awesome.
Will admit I over looked Walsh’s importance with regards to Emma actually “needing/wanting” romantic love for herself in the here & now- but when it’s pointed out as it is above it makes absolute sense & is glaringly obvious lol
I agree with that meta. I’ ve got MA in psychology. I think the whole show is fairly
accurate when it comes to characters development and psychology. If it had been sloppy I would not have watched it. I can’t stand bad character writting. Call it a professional quirk.