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If Rumple was truly suicidal, I would think instead of proposing to Belle, the first thing he would have done after being free is use the knife to kill himself. He did NO such thing.
Rumple uses the dagger on himself, he dies and the DO power goes away.
but why? what would be the point of doing that?
I think Rumple believes a life needs to be exchanged.
I think Rumple believes that his life is not his own. He believes that he is living a borrowed life, borrowed from his son, and he means to give it back.
when they were getting “married” (sounded more like a funeral with that music) Belle believed that this marriage will last, but Gold knew better.
it will just be an illusion of happiness for him. and temporary. he knows what he is about to do (free his son from the past and erase himself from existence in the process) but he can’t tell Belle that.
he learned a short time ago that he has two choices as to how to live out the rest of this time: in screaming agony, or in a much more pleasant way. he opts for the more pleasant way even though it means lying to his beloved