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I think you are just giving these writer too much credit. They don’t know how to write. They think that the relationship between Emma and Hook is romantic because kids scream about it on the internet. I am not denying your critical analysis, i am saying that the writers aren’t thinking about any of that. The writers think they can have a character do anything, from murder to rape, and then have the characters stop doing that for five minutes and then they should be welcomed with open arms by their would be murder victims. That is literally what has happened on this show.
The writers think they are writing complexity by having characters do bad things and then not do bad things, not good things, but not bad things. They think that is some sort of deep, complex, redemption story. Regina has only this season done any work on trying to talk through some of her issues and ask forgiveness of her father and yet we are supposed to believe that she has been redeemed for three seasons.
I think it is possible that a good writer could do what you are suggesting. That they could write this complex bad boyfriend storyline. I just don’t think these writers are good. I just don’t think that is what is happening here. I think that the writers are writing this horrible relationship, where Hook, a serial killer, a rapist, someone who has said some of the worst things possible to Emma, caused her family to be in real danger, as a romance. The writers think that the characters can do or say whatever they want and as long as the other character then forgives them, they hug and kiss, that it’s fine. That is what the writers think. If Regina can be part of the family in this show then anyone can.