fanfic: Sisters

[Grimmsister]

Im currently writing a secual to the story “A Fairy’s Tale” that I put up in here a few weeks ago. This new story is called “Sisters” and follows up on what happens to Regina and Ozma when they grow up. The story starts after the first half of season three (on the tvshow) when Regina has “undone” her curse and everyone is back in the Enchanted Forest. I would love comments 🙂

Here is the first chapter-

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10151684/1/Sisters

here is a link to the first story “A Fairy’s Tale” if anyone is interested-

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10098489/1/A-Fairy-s-tale

(Also Im looking for a “writer pal” one that also writes fanfic for Once Upon a Time, who would be interested in exhanging ideas, stuff written and comment on eachothers stuff and help eachother improve on our stories. If anyone is interested drop me a pm)

[PriceofMagic]

Okay, I’ve just had a quick look at your story Grimm. 3 comments I would make is:

1. Sequel is spelt SEQUEL not SECUAL. It’s a little nitpicky I know but the point of the first chapter is to get your audience hooked. I find spelling errors in fanfic quite off putting and whilst an odd spelling mistake here or there is okay (and I’ve made odd mistakes in fanfic before), if a fanfic is riddled with spelling errors within that first chapter, I generally won’t read beyond the first chapter. Your first chapter seems to be generally free from spelling errors aside from the one already mentioned.

2. In the section entitled The Return to Enchanted Forest and what happened there, you have three rather large paragraphs including one which is basically a wall of text. Make those paragraphs smaller so that they are not so intimidating to the reader. I would say try not to make paragraphs longer than 12 lines of text, 15 at the very most.

3. When a new character speaks, make it a new line/ paragraph. This will also help to keep your paragraphs smaller and more easily readable. For example: The Monkey and Witch conversation. You’ve got both sets of dialogue within the same paragraph and on the same line. This can make it difficult to tell which character is speaking. Split it on to separate lines like this:

“Speak monkey What news do you have?”

“My Queen. There has been talk that the old folk that left during the enactment of the curse have returned.”

I hope you find my comments constructive rather than negative.

All magic comes with a price!

Keeper of Felix

[Grimmsister]

POM: Yes I know, Ugh…! I didnt want to see the truth on that paragraph formating thing ’cause it Means lots of more Work for Little ol’ me. Buut I see your points. I didnt think it looked to bad in Word, the program, but once I put it in fanfic net it does look a bit compact. I will see to it about changing that some.

Right now Im a Little turned of on writing this fic though, not so much the actual writing of the story itself, but all the Work that comes after, with checking spelling and grammar. Lord knows I hate that stuff, but it gotta be done I know, if I want anyone to read the story. The story is turning out to be a lot longer then I thought to begin with. That seems to happen everytime I write something. And the longer it becomes the more grammar checks I have to do 🙂

dont worry I appreciate constructive crits 🙂

[PriceofMagic]

I find the trick is to reread what you’ve written as you’re going along. Sometimes you think of a better word to use or you think of a better way to write the sentence. Word spell check will normally highlight any spelling errors or grammatical errors for you so you can check them. (Sometimes it does think you may have made a mistake when you haven’t but sometimes that could be because you’ve missed a letter off another word which changes the tense of the sentence).

Also one thing I’ve learnt from my previous fanfic story is get a few chapters done before you post and stay a few chapters ahead of your postings so that you can update your story regularly even during times of writers block. That way you don’t risk long gaps between updates and risk losing readers, and it will also take the pressure off if you do need a little break from the story.

Allow the story to take you where it wants to flow rather than trying to force it in a certain direction. Well written characters will take on a life of their own and will guide the story themselves even if it’s not necessarily in the direction you expect. Also you may get ideas for certain bits of dialogue and scenes you want to use in a later chapter. Write them down as that can also help to shape the story.

If your story and chapters do begin to get longer than expected, let it. That’s the direction the story wants to go in.

I’m glad you found my previous comments helpful.

All magic comes with a price!

Keeper of Felix

[Author]

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