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Just read an awesome meta on why Killian could & should never have let Emma push him away. I also understand what they are saying about the reasons why Emma pushes people away & it is exactly why Killian could never allow her to push him away. JMo said much the same thing herself & we all know thats what the writers are going for- funny how it’s only the character bashers & other ‘Emma’ ships that cant see reality.
Now I want to address the issue of why it would have been absolutely detrimental had Killian decided to leave Emma alone, especially during times where her behavior might have been off-putting. Hello my name is Kate and I’m a mental health social worker, so when I see people who suggest that Killian should have left Emma alone I see red and this is why: Emma being a foster youth, particularly one that transitioned out of the foster system through running away, is a context that cannot be ignored and yet frequently is. First off, Emma quite clearly has an avoidant attachment style. Basically, Emma lacked a secure base of attachment due to the abandonment of her parents and then her foster parents at age 3. Those with avoidant attachment tend to self-isolate, are emotionally distant, and prize independence for fear of further abandonment. Does this not sound like our favorite savior princess duckling? The fact that Emma is a foster youth further adds to her need to maintain distance in interpersonal relationships and keep those relationships relatively superficial. These are self-protective strategies that serve to keep her from the emotional heartache of becoming attached only to be abandoned. Remember this is Emma’s internal working model that she applies to all new people- that eventually everyone will leave her. So she doesn’t let people get close enough to matter when they inevitably do. But keeping people at arms length also protects foster youth from people understanding their deeper fears and shame- primarily that they were abandoned in the first place because there is something fundamentally wrong, bad, or unlovable about them. This is the biggest reason why Neal’s later abandonment of Emma has such a profoundly devastating impact on her, causing herself to emotionally isolate for a decade after he left her. She let go of her protective barriers for him, and he (regardless of context because Emma knows nothing of it) commits the one act that reinforces all of her reasons for those barriers in the first place- he leaves her. So, present day Emma is self-isolating and independent. She pushes people away to protect herself, but it’s also an unconscious test. If people leave her when, to distance herself, she is hurtful towards them, then it reinforces her view that she cannot rely on others and perpetuates her isolating behavior. What she needs to overcome her issues is not people running away from her when she pushes, but staying by her side. She needs concrete and stable examples of people refusing to leave her. It’s why it was so crucial that Henry refused to give up on her and Snow jumped in the portal after her. This was Henry and Snow showing Emma that this new family- her Storybrooke family- is not going to abandon her. But Emma still needs that same amount of dedication on a romantic level. Some people don’t need romance for complete lives, this is true- but Emma is arguably looking for romantic love- that’s the whole point of Walsh. He shows us that Emma doesn’t just need familial love- she wants romantic love too. He also again reinforces Emma’s view that those who claim to love her don’t. And so, Killian, in a stunning parallel to Snow, jumps in a portal after her. After consistently staying by her side and supporting her and NOT PUSHING HER ROMANTICALLY after he finds her in New York, even when she sometimes lashed out at him. Because he knows it isn’t disinterest that is keeping her from him and keeping her running- it’s emotional walls she puts up to protect herself. Snow, David, and Henry undo the damage caused by Emma’s familial abandonment. Killian undoes the damage caused by Emma’s romantic abandonment. Killian leaving Emma would only have served as an example to Emma that she isn’t worth staying around for, and that people will leave. It would have been devastating for Emma. The absolute number one worst thing anyone can do to Emma is leave her. You do not abandon the previously abandoned. That’s why they waited to have Emma learn that Killian gave up his ship for her until the second to last scene of the season. After steadfastly not leaving her, she also learns that he gave up the most important thing in his life for her. Now she trusts that she is worthy, that she is truly loved, and so she finally feels safe enough in the fact that he isn’t going anywhere that she lets him in. And it was awesome.
Will admit I over looked Walsh’s importance with regards to Emma actually “needing/wanting” romantic love for herself in the here & now- but when it’s pointed out as it is above it makes absolute sense & is glaringly obvious lol
I agree with that meta. I’ ve got MA in psychology. I think the whole show is fairly
accurate when it comes to characters development and psychology. If it had been sloppy I would not have watched it. I can’t stand bad character writting. Call it a professional quirk.[adrotate group="5"]I agree with that meta. I’ ve got MA in psychology. I think the whole show is fairly
accurate when it comes to characters development and psychology. If it had been sloppy I would not have watched it. I can’t stand bad character writting. Call it a professional quirk.I’m the same with my watching habits, one of the reasons I really love Emma as a character, is she is so well acted & grounded in reality – I loved the fact JMo actually took the time to research the mind set of people who’ve gone through/grown up in the foster system, so she could understand & ground Emma’s character in that mentality.
The moment that Emma realised A) He wasnt lying. B) Not every guy is out to abandon her & C) Her mind set could & would effect her future if she let it… I only wish this pic had her expression after he told her ‘no, he wouldnt have abandoned her’.
@surayya that meta was very moving. I admit to having been frustrated with Emmas behaviour in 3B and the character backlash was pretty harsh. I think that the psychology behind Emmas behaviour could have been a good topic for the writers and/or JMO to have discussed publicly in order to bring awareness to what some kids experience. A different perspective is good. Thank you for posting it.
I’ve read a lot of insightful Emma Swan and Captain Swan metas but that meta you just posted @surayya is by far, the best I’ve ever read and hits on all the important points we’ve been saying all along. And kudos for Jen for not only brilliantly playing the part but taking the time to understand where Emma is coming from by researching what these kids go through.
That’s why whenever Jen gives an interview about her character, I sit back and listen because she usually tends to be right and spot on 100% of the time.
I don’t think a lot of SwanFire understand Emma’s abandonment issues and tend to ignore them to make their ‘ship have a happily ever after. But you can’t ‘ship a ‘ship that way.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when you ‘ship a couple together, you have to care about both characters. We understood from the get-go that Emma wasn’t going to go back to Neal because he did abandon her and that love couldn’t resume. And Jen’s said so herself that as much as she understands why Neal left her, it doesn’t erase the pain she went through. And Jen gets attacked by her so-called fans whenever she says something contrary to their head canons. But it’s not contrary. It’s the truth.
And if Hook had abandoned her, left her it would reinforced those issues that she isn’t worthy of love and no one can love her.
Seriously, is it any wonder that Emma Swan stans are Captain Swan ‘shippers? And most other Emma Swan ‘ships tend to lean towards the other character than what’s good for her? And we were called the delusional ones when in fact, we’ve been right on almost every major issue when it comes to Emma?
I love that meta so much. It came across my tumblr dash a few months ago and I reblogged and tagged it. Like I truly think everyone should read it. It might cause a light bulb to go off.
@obisgirl that’s all so true.
The reason I ship Emma & Killian is that they both brign the best in each other. Hook isn’t perfect and neither is Emma but they are perfect for each other.
If you look into Sternberg’s triangular theory of love( google it if you like), you’ll see that Emma & Killian are at least on the road towards consummate love ( intimacy+ passion+comitment). Well passion is there and we know it’ll be developed in seasno 4. Intimacy is also buliding up. And it seems comitment is in the air ;D.
The problem with SF shippers for example, is that they expect somewhat of “good” siutor for Emma. Hook is in all shades of gray. He has wider gray shade spectrum than Regina & Rumple.R & R are either towards the darker shades o lighter somtemies.
SF see charracter struggles as OOC acts. I see them in oposite way. Doubt and serching are normal in human life (Those who do not doubt once in a while are often diagnosed as psychotic. Wouldn’t like to see that one in a fairtale show.) Answers are not always simple an what we thik they should be. Rumple in season 3 finale ie- no OOC there for me.
If you look into Sternberg’s triangular theory of love( google it if you like), you’ll see that Emma & Killian are at least on the road towards consummate love ( intimacy+ passion+comitment).
You don’t know this but I’m working on this monster of a meta based on true love and love in general on Once. My goal with it is to really explore ALL kinds of love on the show we love. I started writing it October 2013 and have researched quite a bit on different types of love but this is the first time I’ve heard about this theory.
But my ‘secret’ over all thesis for the meta is to show that Emma and Killian are true love.
This might be the best tweet I’ve seen from Adam in a long time.
@LoganXfiles @oohswanfire @stef5255 Neal's death had nothing to do with any "ship"
— Adam Horowitz (@AdamHorowitzLA) August 22, 2014
If you look into Sternberg’s triangular theory of love( google it if you like), you’ll see that Emma & Killian are at least on the road towards consummate love ( intimacy+ passion+comitment).
You don’t know this but I’m working on this monster of a meta based on true love and love in general on Once. My goal with it is to really explore ALL kinds of love on the show we love. I started writing it October 2013 and have researched quite a bit on different types of love but this is the first time I’ve heard about this theory. But my ‘secret’ over all thesis for the meta is to show that Emma and Killian are true love.
I’ve been waiting and waiting for this meta, Obisgirl!! With all of the work you’ve put in it, and the general agreement we seem to have regarding our couple, I imagine it’s going to be fantastic!
Page 1117 – perfection. All of the essays and metas posted. In regard to the rape culture thing – I have very little patience for it and I therefore spend very little time on those who argue it in regard to Hook. Far less articulate than the metas, but my thought is always ‘how do these people function in society?’ Flirting, innuendo it’s all part of human courtship rituals! How on earth do you know someone is interested in you, or do you let someone know you are interested in them? Is this coming from completely sheltered, unsocialized people? Have they had every person that’s dared flirt with them arrested? Do they understand how horribly they devalue and diminish the pain and suffering of actual rape victims? At the end of the day, OUAT is a television show, who’s purpose is to entertain. OUAT, it’s creators/writers/actors have never insinuated their purpose is to make some sort of social commentary or be used as a tool to educate about any of the topics they tackle. Yes, I’m sure they love that we sit here and analyze this touch and that phrase but I don’t think they’re trying to change the world. They’re trying to tell a story about fairy tales.
The meta by the social worker – the thing I liked most about it is that it doesn’t try to devalue other relationships Emma has, not even Neal’s. She simply uses canon examples to make her point. She doesn’t insinuate that Neal & Emma’s relationship, or Emma and her parents’, or Emma and Henry’s relationships are less important than CS; rather use examples provided by the show to the audience to clarify what Emma might be thinking and feeling and why.
I’ve been waiting and waiting for this meta, Obisgirl!! With all of the work you’ve put in it, and the general agreement we seem to have regarding our couple, I imagine it’s going to be fantastic!
I hope people like it. I’m really trying to do this in a way that doesn’t stomp over other people’s ‘ships. I’m still smoothing out parts. General writing is done but editing is a long process.
One of our lovely mods is providing me with excellent feedback.
But nothing will really be posted until we get confirmed true love from Captain Swan. But even then I’m not sure it will be posted since it covers love in general as well.
Did you see the tweet from Adam I posted?
I would love to read this meta obisgirl. Sternberg theory is quite popular regarding psychology of love, and one of the most reasonalbe in my opinion and the easiest to explain to people.
As for rape culture term misusers- Expacting a TV show is what defines teenagers pov on everything( espcially on curting, dating etc.) is like taking parents responsibility for raising their children.That’s all I’m goint to say. If I would start my rant on that I would have definatly offended lots of people. I won’t do that. It would be a wasit of my time anyway.
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